Vancouver Canucks Messageboard

Found this somewhere....

A NEWFOUNDLAND LOVE POEM

(who said Newfoundlanders weren't romantic?)

Of course I loves ya darling
You're a bloody top notch bird
and when I say yer gorgeous
I means every single word
So yer arse is on The big side
I don't mind a bit of flab
It means that when I'm ready
There's somethin there to grab
So yer belly isn't flat no more
I tell ya, I don't care
So long as when I cuddle ya
I can get my arms round dere
I'm tellin ya The truth now
I never tells ya lies
I think its very sexy
Dat you've got dimples on yer thighs
I swear on me grannies grave
From The moment that we met
I thought you was as good as
I was ever gonna get
No matter what you look like
I'll always love ya dear
Now shut up while The hockey's on
and get me a nudder beer.

To Pluck a Pear

Surgical removal of an OF tumor
Begins with a Swede with zero sense of humor
Scandinavian
Iranian
If only I'd begun this ethnic cleansing sooner

-DR

Good afternoon and merry Christmas Eve's eve.

A few brave souls have been pleading for some of Strangelove's annual Christmas limericks.

I have decided it just ain't right to post said artwork in the "Conspiracy Theory" thread

... so I'm moving them over here.

Ask at your own peril.

And mine too, seeing as how I'm supposed to be helping wifey prepare for the big Christmas bash.

Strangelove wrote:

Arachnid wrote: Where's our poems Strangelove?! Where's your Christmas spirit gone?!

Ode to Spiderman (or Careful Wot You Wish For)

Spides spun his webs of gobbledgoo,
No love of God, no religion too.
His whinins and bitchins,
Like Lennon’s and Hitchens’,
Earned the disdain of the Chosen Few.




I'm trying to HELP you big guy, check it:

“The four most over-rated things in life are champagne, lobster, *anal sex* and picnics.”

- Christopher Hitchens

Strangelove wrote:

Arachnid wrote: I don't believe in goD? .....Just not a white Prima Dona Hebrew

Happy Winter Solstice bud, I got my lantern ready to go...

Okay, let me give this another whirl...



Pagan Priest (or They’re Buns-up Kneelin, He’s Wheelin ‘n Dealin)

“Pagan Priest” sounds somewot odd,
Butt his nymphs believe in sod!
Those fluffy mitts,
And hairy pits,
Have Spidey screaming “OH GOD!”

Strangelove wrote:

Arachnid wrote: ...butt I'ma Neo-Pagan Priest....we make them shave

*looks at pic.... for one-hundredth time*

Sorry ole bean, just my ‘magination, runnin away with me...

*wonders wot Freud would say*

Farhan Lalji wrote: Doc,

Please do a poem for me! I don't care if it's complimentary or degrading, but you haven't done a poem for me in like 7 years, lol.

Code Violator in No-man’s Land (or Ratched-ed Farhan McMurphy)

He served up slander and dished out hurts,
He carved up Rivals and other perverts.
Got canned by a Central schmuck,
And Dumped from old Calpuck,
He sat there in a Corner then eating his just deserts.

rats19 wrote: Ahem....ahem
Less about them.....??poem pls

Too Down to Earth (or That’s Why They Call’m Rats)

A rodeo star with pitching kung fu,
Lover of nature and animals too.
Creatures molested??
Rat was arrested
Rounding third base at the petting zoo.




.

Awesome Doc....best present yet...

It's Christmas and there is no donlever in the poetry thread.

dbr wrote:It's Christmas and there is no donlever in the poetry thread.

Hmmm alrighty then, one for Lever, one for Dave....

.

Head Honchos of Days Gone By (or In the Home for the Holidays)

Leves was a boss that no one dared diss,
Had him an ass that wise men would kiss.
As old as the hills
He now gets his thrills
Shuffleboarding with Thinker and Chris.



***********************************************************************************************

Generation Y (Or The Kid Lever Loved as a Grandson)

Dave was younger than most folks knew,
With solid rep (and knew it too!).
As nice as it gets,
He won over vets,
With ev'ry day his pride grew and grew!



***********************************************************************************************

Here's a Christmas gift for ya Dave (you over-proud young bastard you) ....

When we came over to this site Creeper told me you are a good guy, to cut you some slack.

Well hey, anyone who is a friend of The Creep, is a friend of Strangelove.

I believe I heard a request from.... the next world!




A Creeper This Way Cameth (or Thanks for the Mammories)

He had us all rolling around on the floor,
As pumpkins we rotted outside his front door.
And so we learned thusly,
To live riotously,
But twill never be as twas once before.



Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night....

Doc wears his heart , way out on his sleeve
But this is not something he wants us to believe
He will tear off your head and spit In the hole
Help you survive is his only goal

Keeps us all thinking with conspiracy threads
Sometimes its too much for some of our heads
But continue it does ,it might need a bump
From concave to hollow the subject will jump

Poe aint got nothin on the one we call Doc
Has an ocean of talent, mine fits In a sock
I consider it an honour to call him my friend
I got his back to the bitter end


One for u Strangelove

Ah shucks Rat,
Tanks f’dat!

Aww, thanks Doc and a belated merry christmas.

I'm sure old donnie is somewhere tilting a wheatgrass shot in honour of the reprobates with whom he used to waste his mornings.

From a book my daughter got for Christmas, words modified slightly because......well you can figure out why!

A Canadian Twelve Days of Christmas,

On the twelfth day of Christmas,
My true love gave to me:
Twelve cubs a dancing,
Eleven Puffins piping,
Tens Canucks a leaping,
Nine loons canoeing,
Eight Mounties munching,
Seven sled dogs sledding,
Six squirrels curling,
Five Stanley Cups,
Four calling moose,
Three beaver tails,
Two caribou,
And a porcupine in a pine tree!

Merry Christmas everyone!

I was making rather merry over the holidays... to say the least. Good news: I’m almost fully recovered! Haven’t really visited the corner in the new year because doing so seems to have the effect of cuing up Auld Lang Syne (inside m'head like). Good song... until about the thousandth time. It’s all too spooky actually. About as spooky as Canuckmessageboardland has been of late what with all the QUIET. Perhaps if I made an offering to appease ghosts of posting past?

Odes to the missing elite...


Cornering The Donald (or Show Yourself Donny, I Know You’re Lurking!)

Of all fuckin Nuck message board greats,
To e’er grace the lives of lowly ingrates,
Our Don was the don,
He glistened... he shone...
A beacon of light for reprobates.


THINK About THIS (or Screwing Wit Ya)

He’s having his way and making you THINK,
And having his way means playing the dink.
Truly pompous??
Rickdiculous!!
If that’s not a schtick then I’m not a shrink!


Ohdee But a Goodie (or It’s a Long Long Roaaaaad)

Hey we’ve done this since Hods was a pup!
Keep it going don’t fuck this up!
Now’s not the time,
This is sublime,
We’re gonna win us the fuckin Cup!


Heart on the Grill (or Hey, Toppy Just Wants to Know What Makes You Tick)

He ain’t takin no shit from no one,
With more balls than Atilla the Hun.
He hides his big heart,
Just cuz it be smart,
And feeds you yours just cuz it be fun.


Red Licorice (or Hobknobbing)

Deliciously sweet and twisted,
Too much so to be resisted,
“Be still my heart,
You’ll come apart!”
But yay it yet persisted.


Mr Entertainment (or Smooth as a Sow’s Ear)

Rummy's more fun than a trip to the zoo,
Scary and funny and will throw his poo!
Some call it dancing,
Some call it prancing,
Truth is it's The Ole Soft Shoe.

I'm hobbknobbin' with your goblin.



Ps. I seriously THINK Chris was Artie....

Red Licorice wrote:I'm hobbknobbin' with your goblin.



Ps. I seriously THINK Chris was Artie....

Wow, could possibly be...

But I don't want to give Chris that much credit